The Day I Found Me

 By Linda Patton-June 26, 2015

Sometimes I almost forget what it felt like to be so shy and so afraid of everything. But that was me. I was the little girl who was afraid to speak to anyone, so insecure that I lived in fear of what everyone thought. In High School, I could not bring myself to participate in discussions, and I would even go so far as to pretend I was still working so that I didn’t have to walk in front of the class to turn my assignment in.

                We moved around a lot so making friends was difficult. I usually had a few, but mostly, I still kept to myself. My mom has a large family and we attended family reunions once or twice a year. I was one of few girls, and one of the oldest of the “cousins.” I spent my time at these reunions helping. I loved to cook, serve, and set up these dinners. I didn’t have to socialize that way. I could watch all of the people interact and occasionally someone would start a conversation with me.

                There was one particular reunion that changed my life. I must have been about 17. Overall, it was the same as every other, same shy me. When it was over, I started home, thinking back through the events of the day. My feelings were so hurt. One of my cousins had attended, and she hadn’t spoken one word to me. Driving along I remember thinking, “WELL! She didn’t even speak to me.” Suddenly, it was as if time stopped! A voice inside of me said, “WELL! You didn’t speak to her either.” I was speechless. What if she were feeling the same sadness and insecurity that I was feeling? Gulp! What’s to say that I hadn’t made her feel looked down on, or insignificant? The “what ifs” just kept rolling.

               

                Right then and there I made a commitment: I would never again worry about who spoke to me. Rather, I would make it my mission to make everyone feel welcome and comfortable. I would be the one to take the initiative.

                I am 45 years old now, and I can say with certainty that I changed that day. I have become someone who thoroughly enjoys talking with people, starting conversations with people I have never met, as well as people I know. I look forward to any event, whether everyday activities, or the occasional life event of those I love. I am that person who doesn’t stop talking. I make it my mission to speak to everyone. Do I feel badly about that? NO! In my many years since that day, I have learned that people want to be heard, they have something to say. They want to be listened to, and many, many people have that same fear that I struggled with many years ago.

                And do you know how many blessings I have been given? I once cried and prayed with a woman in the grocery store, whose granddaughter was having serious complications during the delivery of her child.

                Once, we were camping in Colorado, we were walking back to our campsite when a car ahead of us stopped, a woman got out, ran down to me and hugged me crying. She had been battling cancer and had heard me say something that gave her strength.

                One time, my husband and I were celebrating our anniversary, and the lady attending the breakfast bar told me her life story. My husband just laughed and said, “I wondered where you went, then I realized, you were being you. Everywhere we go, people need to talk to you.” It is true, everywhere I go, people find me to talk.

                One day I was in my office and realized a line of coworkers had formed a line outside my office. Each waiting their turn to talk. The list goes on and on, and I have more friends than I could list. I have been truly blessed.

                That day in the car, I am convinced that it was the voice of Jesus speaking to my heart, pointing out what He was going to do in my life. My assignment was to come up with a credo-a statement of belief about my core values. In doing that, I must find out who I am. This helps me to understand that being able to encourage, love, and serve others is who I really want to be.